Beat Yourself Up

The poem, that I planned to write, "The scariest thing to you is a Buddhist sand painting.
The scariest thing to me is the abominable snow-man from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
I dare not say his name."


Mary-Anne asked, "You know you're both of them, right?"

"I do." I say.

I remember telling you I would post this twice, so... Yes, you were so right about emoticons, yes, you were right about my grammar. The memories of you writing over my shoulder and hearing your voice, sharing these words, no matter at what time I write them... I love this and you more than absolutely anything.



"And, I always will," we both say. I can't imagine anything better than you.

Us in Darkest Hour

 "I went up there to get away from you, Rory. Margaux, told me what happened up there and I was really upset at you." she says.
 "For what? Nothing happened," I say.
 "You didn't try to kiss Margaux?" she asks.
 "I don't remember that," I say
 "Well, you did," she says.
 "How can you be so sure?" I ask.
 "Because, you don't remember anything, Rory. You don't remember showing me your cock, you don't remember our first kiss," she says.
 "We've never gotten to kiss," I say.
 "Shut-up, Rory! All the good memories you promised me you would remember and you don't!" she says.
 "I promised you I'd never kill myself but I don't remember promising you that."

 Mary-Anne bursts into tears. I say, "I certainly don't remember flashing my dick to you."
 "I wanted you to, Rory! It was special to me, it was funny. You used to be so wild and happy."
 "I'm still wild, Mary-Anne. Admittedly, I might not be as happy."
 "Maybe, that's it. Because, we were a lot happier then."
 "I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life."
 "Don't say that, Rory. We were so much happier, don't ruin those memories by saying that."
 "Mary-Anne, I'll do everything I can to remember that. I promise you, I will remember."
 "I believe you, Rory. You said you'd forget and you said you'd remember. I guess, you've still forgotten."
 "But, I will remember."
 "I know, I just hopes it not too late."
 "It's never too late. And, if we're not already, we will be the example of that."
 "But, what if I'm with someone again?"
 "Then, I'll wait. Even though, I might pester you now and again."
"What if we die?"
"Then I'll figure out a way to pester you in the afterlife."

Mary-Anne struggles to breathe through her tears and faint laughter. She leans into me and I hold her tight. "It's like you're the same but you don't remember how close we got. How we talked about getting married."
"I've always wanted to marry you."
 "I know, Rory."
 "Normally, I would just ask but you're crying, so, I'll ask if I can ask. Can I ask you to marry me now?"
 "Not now, Rory. One thing at a time."

How Different Minds Think

 "My girl's here man, fucking break it off. I'll fight you, later. Why're you being such a punk?! Aw, you're not even worth it. I don't want to get fucking suspended, dumbass! Clean this shit up before a teacher gets here!" I say.
 I walk to Mary-Anne at the front of the crowd.
 "I'll go back in and fight for you some more, Mary-Anne. I don't want you to think I'm soft or chicken or something," I say.
 "No, Rory, don't go back," she says.
 "Okay, good, because my cheek hurts pretty bad. And, I don't want to get suspended, I want to keep going to school with you," I say.
 I walked with Mary-Anne to the nurses office, mostly keeping to ourselves. I kept wondering if she'd heard me call her my girl. When we arrived in the office we sat together alone for some time. I started to cry, not cry like I had already cried from the pain and adrenaline,
 "Thank you for being here for me, Mary-Anne." I say.
 "It's okay, Rory."
 "No, really, I mean it, I would do anything for you Mary-Anne. And, I know I don't seem like much but I will do anything for you. I love you. You're my true love, Mary-Anne. I loved you since the day I saw you and I always will."
 "Don't you think we're a little young for this?"
 "Yea, you're probably right."
 "The first day you saw me?"
 "Well, it took until second period."
 We laugh.
 "Still, I'm glad I told you."
 "I'm glad you told me too, Rory."
 "At least, adrenaline is good for something."
 We laugh again.
 "I really do feel that way, you know that, right?"
 "I think so."
 "I'll prove it to you, Mary-Anne."
 "Rory, don't do anything stupid."
 "No, I won't."

BDSM & Rebirth

 "Dogs need obedience training before they can be our friends, know what I'm saying?" I ask Mary-Anne.
 "I do." she says.

 We both give each other looks, then, I smile. "I think that we're still in the obedience faze, learning to be obedient to each others needs. Your need for me to control you and my need for you to free yourself for example. And, to open up to me, expressing yourself freely." I say.

 "GOD!" she says, looking up at the early evening stars, her fingers gripping her hair, "I knew I wasn't going to get married until I'm thirty!"
 "Well, maybe late twenties." I say. She laughs once, "You can try. But, you know I'll turn you down." she says.
 "You would say no to me? Even, if I asked you to marry me?" I ask.
 "No but I wouldn't say yes." she says. I say, "It'll hurt you too, y'know?"
 "Is that what you want?" she asks.
 "Uh-huh," I say before wetting my lips and biting down on the end of my thumb.

 Everything is silent for a moment as we stare at one another.

Our First Kiss

"So, you'll be writing another story that we live through?" she asks.
"No, it'll be real but it might seem like a story to those looking." I say, "And, by the end, you'll know that you can handle that kind of situation. And you'll know, unequivocally, that I will always find you, no matter what happens, not to take too much from Cash. Or, Reznor for that matter."
"Sorry, that sounded st--"
"No, it was good. Thank you, Rory."
"You really are my true love, Mary-Anne."

 They walk inside, sit on the couch, they stare into each others eyes, "Open your mouth for me," I say. Mary-Anne opens her mouth. I run my finger along her tongue. Her eyes fill with passion and fulfillment at once. I begin to write in my mind like Kurt Vonnegut did in his early days. In this way our lives and memories are proliferated in eternities.

 I suck Mary-Anne's saliva from my finger.

Scene 1. Night. Ambulance.
POWER JONES lies dying on a stretcher with a respirator. Two nurses, male and female, wait with him.

Scene 2. Morning. Hospital.
Power Jones leaves an ER waiting room through automated glass doors. He's only wearing a hospital gown and a line of blood dribbles down his forearm.

Scene 3. Morning. Coffee House.
Power Jones sits at a table with a plate of left over food and begins to stuff a breakfast sandwich and coffee. He sits awkwardly.

When the sandwich is almost a bite away from finished, Power removes electrodes from his chest and tosses them on his plate. Then, Power removes a manila envelope duct taped to his stomach under the hospital gown. Power feels the envelope to determine it's contents and moves the envelope to his lap before removing a loaded pistol.

Then, Power Jones takes the pistol, unhooks the safety, places it back in the manila envelope, and leaves.

A taxi pulls up to the curb just outside the coffee shop. Power Jones stops abruptly and then gets inside. Instantly, Power Jones draws his pistol on the TAXI DRIVER. High-pitched profanities and threats can be heard. Through the open glass panel, Power Jones smushes his gun against the side of the taxi drivers head. The tires squeak as they speed off.

Scene 4. Morning. Cab.
The taxi driver wades Power Jones through the gridlock of morning traffic.
Power Jones lays back and blinks hard, struggling to keep his eyes open. As the car turns the sunlight hits his eyes and Power looks up at the towering office buildings and skyscrapers.

Title Sequence.

Scene 5. Morning. Office Building, Lobby.
Power Jones walks through a parting crowd of businessmen and women, who give him their best condescending looks. Power Jones passes a security desk where a SECURITY GUARD stares him down.

The security guard raises up from his office chair and follows Power Jones who calls an elevator that opens immediately. Power Jones whips around, draws his pistol from the manila envelope, and levels it. As the security guard tries to stop the doors from closing, Power Jones takes a step forward and jams the pistol into the security guards chest.

POWER JONES: Bye....

Power Jones fires a shot at point blank range. A second afterwards the security guard curls up into a ball and hits the floor, fighting to breathe. Quickly, Power Jones releases the hammer of his pistol, hooks the safety. Several witnesses go into a wide-eyed shock as the sound of the shot echoes like a cannonball hitting a trashcan in a tunnel.

POWER JONES: That grade of armor and this millimeter.... Why'd you even stop, if you knew you were safe? The elevator doors close as the security guard looks up at Power Jones with grimacing red face and teary eyes.

Scene 6. Office Building, Elevator.
Power Jones sets the manila envelope on the floor and stands up very straight before retying his dressing gown. Then, he picks the folder back up and places a hand inside the manila envelope.

Scene 7. Morning. Office Building, Second Floor, Waiting Room.
Power Jones walks slowly into a room where an enormous and glaringly diverse crowd of patrons are waiting to see a psychiatrist by the name of Maria Lake. Out of the many seats, Power Jones takes one close to the receptionist and further from the door he entered by.

Suddenly, the door is kicked in by a masked but otherwise UNAFFILIATED MILITANT with a machine gun who opens fire. The crowd explodes into panic while their bodies are ripped to shreds.

Power Jones dives for cover behind the receptionists desk.

Suddenly, sprinklers pop-out of the ceiling and begin drenching the whole room.

Behind the desk, Power Jones, spins his head around looking for anything to save his ass when he notices, the walls, the desk, the windows, are all pristine, everything but the crowd of people is completely untouched. Power Jones places the manila envelope in the secretary's desk.

Then, Power Jones leaps the desk in a single vault, runs over corpses, and goes straight into the machine gun fire of the unaffiliated militant. But, it does little more than produce bright lights as Power Jones gives him a running kick to the crotch. The unaffiliated militant takes a single step before fainting.

Scene 8. Morning. Office Building, Second Floor, Office.
MARIA WARREN is calmly sitting at her desk, with arms forward and palms flat against the desk, as the sprinklers abruptly shut-off. Her office door is kicked open, the wood around the handle, and the handle, break-off and fall to the floor. Power Jones waits around the corner, gun in hand. Then, he peaks out for a moment.

MARIA WARREN: Is anyone alive?

POWER JONES: Just us.

MARIA WARREN: Are you coming in?

POWER JONES: I'm still processing.

MARIA WARREN: Excuse me, what do mean processing?

POWER JONES: That automatic gunfire, the sound originated from a stage gun, loaded with blanks. I was watching the walls and the windows and they took no damage. Even in this room, this crowded of a room, bodies might absorb a lot from a smaller caliber. But, that, supposed, caliber, no way.

MARIA WARREN: Why don't you have a seat?
Power Jones walks in and takes a seat, as he does so, Maria Lake  stands up and sits beside him with her hands folded in her lap.

MARIA WARREN: So, you killed him?

POWER JONES: Incendiary devices did. Maybe, dynamite? It was wired on everybody as far as I can tell. Incendiary devices, activated by radio signal, which appears to be gunfire. Less people would have actually died if he was a spree killer, or that was an actual massacre. But, all those deaths were orchestrated.

MARIA WARREN: Have you had any kind of trauma during your childhood?

POWER JONES: I don't know. Why am I here?

MARIA WARREN: I don't know what to say.

POWER JONES: No...?

MARIA WARREN: I don't know what you're referring to.

POWER JONES: Since, everything said is confidential, it seems an opportune time to ask if you mind me making advances towards you.

MARIA WARREN: Thank you, but I'd rather fuck.

Power Jones laughs then they both smile. Power Jones takes Maria Warren by the hand and they stand up together. He then comes around her, tips over their chairs, and takes her by the hips. And, then, lifts her onto her desk, they have sex for several minutes. Before they're finished having sex, he looks into Maria Lake's eyes one at a time. They are stronger and darker than his and they look back into his own eyes very passionately.

MARIA WARREN: I'll help you get out of here.

Power Jones blinks, thinking very quietly.

MARIA WARREN (Cont.): But, you've got to make it worth my time.

Power Jones exerts himself doubly.

MARIA WARREN: You better make it good.

Scene 9. Office Building, Ulterior Elevator.
Power Jones waits in an elevator of an alternate design. Meanwhile, Maria Warren steps inside and presses the third floor button and then steps back into the hallway. Maria Warren is still smiling but Power Jones, holding his manila envelope again, has his head hung low.

POWER JONES: How do I know you aren't lying to me? How do I trust you? This is my life. Real life isn't a movie.

MARIA WARREN: I know....

After several seconds, the elevator doors begin to close, and the lady-like Maria Warren turns her head and walks away, before Power leaves.

Scene 10. Morning. Office Building, Third Floor, Hallway.
The trashed hallway filled with shifty-eyed animals, looks in on the offices of a call center, deserted in the middle of a party and invaded by more North American wildlife who go about as they please.
What windows are visible from the hallway, are so filthy that very little light filters through them.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR, an androgynous person, who dresses androgynously, makes themselves readily apparent and walks over to Power Jones.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR: I was just thinking, either that was the elevator, or a very silly sound for a pheasant to make.
Lucifer Morningstar reaches out their hand to Power Jones from a very respectful distance. Power Jones looks at the wildlife and then to Lucifer Morningstar who kindly takes back their gesture.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR: I must have seen this in one of those apocalyptic scenario documentaries. But, don't you just love the symbology? That, even the corporate entity can be swallowed by alien forces, larger and hungrier then they were. Alien forces lived inside them, just as familiar to them as they were foreign, like little green men from mars or little thoughts from brains.

POWER JONES: Okay, now, give me answers to questions, or I'll take the gun out of this envelope and blow a hole in your thigh. It might hit your femoral artery, it might not.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR, brow flat, eyes open, fixes a non-chalant smirk.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR: Answer questions of my own and I'll answer all of your questions.

POWER JONES: Fine.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR: It's settled then.

POWER JONES: Why am I here? How you came here was by hypnotic suggestion. The people who planted suggestions are near-perfect people, and go by the name: The New Order. And we, like you, are conduits to several alien universes which compliment this one.
This universe is just a social media event of the year for our real bodies, Power Jones, writer-slash-artist.

POWER JONES: I'm gonna blow your leg clean off for jerking me around.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR: Whatever makes you happy. Have you ever noticed how easy everything is when you just lean back?

Power Jones squints his eyes until they almost close.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Cont.): Want to take a look around at some of the less ornery wildlife?

Lucifer Morningstar, leans back his head and walks down the hallway.
Here, Power Jones, rubs his eyes and briefly follows Lucifer Morningstar.
Suddenly, Power Jones runs the opposite way down the hallway. Lucifer Morningstar, turns to watch him flee.

Scene 11. Office Building, Third Floor, Bathroom.
Power Jones bolts through a heavy wooden door with a Men's sign, closes it behind him, and locks it.
The bathroom has a large window, but, covered in mud and grime like the other windows on this floor. Their is no wildlife here, it is otherwise clean. Power Jones walks up about ten feet from a window and draws his pistol.
The heavy door rattles then stops. Lucifer Morningstar can be heard on the other side.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): Jones, will you let me in?

Power Jones turns around, walks over, and unlocks the door.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): What are you going to do, Jones?

POWER JONES: I'm going to blow this window full of holes and then I'm going to jump out of this place.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): Can I watch?

POWER JONES: Um....

Lucifer Morningstar enters slowly, head lowered. Power Jones narrows his eyes on Lucifer Morningstar, then he turns around fires three quick shots into the window that seperates into large sharp chunks that shatter and bounce as they fall.

Scene 12. Noon. Office Building, Third Floor, Bathroom.
Power Jones cleans out some glass from one side of the window frame with his gun, holds onto it with the manila envelope, and steps into the window. Looking down, it takes only a brief second before Power Jones looks up again and begins breathing heavily. Lucifer Morningstar can be heard but not seen.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): You can make it. You'll probably only break your leg.

POWER JONES: I'll probably do something worse.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): Were you more interested in breaking the glass or shooting your gun?

POWER JONES: Breaking the glass, but, shooting my gun too. Who are you really?

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): I'm the devil, Jones. My life began prior to creation. And, I lead those to be greater and also worse-off than they were before.
POWER JONES: Then, what should I do? You being the best qualified to handle these questions.

LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR (Off.): You should fail this test, Jones. Step away, don't jump. Victory is in the being still.
At least in this case. Please, don't apply that to everything.

Power Jones laughs and looks down one last time.

Scene 13. Office Building, Elevator.
Power Jones and Lucifer Morningstar stand side-by-side, very close, their shoulders touching. Both are smiling.
Then, Power Jones furrows his brow.

POWER JONES: I'm sure there are many cynical things I could say, obviously. First, that this seems like a massive waste of money and time.

Lucifer Morningstar laughs like Power Jones is telling a joke, then, waits for the end.

POWER JONES (Cont.): And, of course you and Maria were involved in the murder, slash, mass suicide of a couple dozen people.

Lucifer Morningstar laughs again, this time like Power Jones has told the punchline to the set-up.